To love your dark side, you must bring it to the light. There is a Japanese saying that we have three faces - “The first face, you show to the world, the second face, you show to your close friends and your family, and the third face, you never show anyone. It is the truest reflection of who you are.” Whether you agree with this statement or not, there are sides of us that we don’t want or like people to see, hence the name, “shadow and/or dark side”.

But what if we learned to love the dark/shadow side?

You see, there’s a false misconception of the shadow side or the “third face”. People hide it because there are underlying issues that drive a certain behaviour they are portraying from addictions, criticism of self, self harm and much more. In reality, this side is there to tell you the truth which we mostly, if not all the time, choose to ignore.

To love this side, we must:

Address the Root Cause: I was in a toxic relationship whereby the other party projected their own insecurities onto me and often, I wondered why I had attracted such a relationship into my life. On the surface, I believed it was because I wasn’t good enough and that I was just unlucky. But the root of this was different and something that I needed to shine a light on.

You see, my dad was hardly present and when he was, there was a lot of deception surrounding his romantic partners and betrayal towards my mum etc... The patterns of romantic relationships I had seen around me all through my youth never constituted 30% of what a healthy relationship should be like.

Because of this lack of presence in my childhood and especially because of my non-existent relationship with my father, I had a weird craving for love which translated into how I also wanted to receive love.

Therefore in the toxic relationship I was in, I seeked not only a boyfriend but also a father type figure as this was the only “man(ly) figure” in my life. As a result, I stayed through the toxicity in order to replace the feeling of absence I had always felt deep within me and to prove that I was enough!

It wasn’t until I addressed the root cause of the pattern of relationships that had been around me that I understood that I too, had to change what I was seeking in a partner. My needs are now different and most importantly, addressing the root cause has made me realise, I am enough, in fact, I always have been.

If you don’t treat the root and you continue only by treating the surface, you will continue to attract the same thing i.e. the patterns will repeat and you will feel as though you are lacking something.
Be aware of the duality within life: Some label examples we have are that of good and bad, right and wrong, old and young etc...to explain the experiences we are living at that point in time and these represent the duality. Lao Tzu wrote “The Tao Te Ching” which tells us to live “openly with the apparent duality and paradoxical unity.”

My view of this statement is the understanding and acceptance of both sides. We should seek to shine a light on this aspect and view it as an experience. With each experience, we grow, we learn something and it propels us into making decisions for our highest good.

Here, you can shine a light on the dark side, by practising words of love more often rather than the harsh words of criticism you give to yourself. If you can wish to overcome difficult phases in your life, then you can also wish to incorporate practicing intimate forms of self love.
Strip off the ego self and embrace the vulnerability: As humans sometimes we can be stubborn especially when our pride and ego are injured. In this state, we sometimes want to explode and hurt someone else because of how we are feeling. Here you are to give yourself the gift of time because it doesn’t happen overnight, it’s a journey that requires you to check yourself again and again in terms of how you react to situations. To strip off the ego will require you to embrace the vulnerability instead of running away from it and/or numbing the pain.

The beauty within the vulnerability in its own way, is an acceptance and act of unconditional love.

In conclusion, our shadow holds the highest light of truth, it is there so you can grab the mirror and reflect on aspects of you that sometimes, you’d rather wish to be left in the dark.

By taking responsibility in addressing the root cause, being aware of the duality within our existence and stripping off the ego self in order to dive deeper in our own healing, we are aligned to receive the wisdom the shadow holds for us. That which is the truest reflection of ourselves and that which supports us without limitation, scarcity and fear for it too, IS A PART OF US!

Thank you for reading.

Love & Light
Amida