In case you are looking for love, I have the purrrfect candidate for you and that is (drumroll please) …YOU! If this wasn’t what you were expecting, please hear me out.

One of our most basic needs as humans is that of love and despite the complexities we create in relationships and friendships alike, we all just want to love & to be loved unconditionally. A lot of the times though, the love we are taught of or that we grow up conditioned to want is that of an “external” love; meaning, we look for love somewhere else like, finding our soulmate or the one.

Whilst we continue to look for love elsewhere, elements of desperation sneak in and we put ourselves second to the other party because we look to them to complete and/or validate that we are loveable beings. Today we are also spoilt for choice from sliding into DM’s to numerous dating apps serving as the extra means of connecting with another person regardless of their location. Equally, my aim here today is to talk about the love we are not taught or that which we find difficult to embrace.

Point 1
Understand that not forcing love is more rewarding because then, you are not settling: You don’t have to settle for love just for the sake of having someone in your life that you can call a partner. In fact, this is the breeding ground for depreciating your self worth because it becomes automatically tied to what someone else can bring for you.

I’m sure a lot of you, if not all, have heard people say, “if you stop searching for love, it will appear” … I believe in this statement but this is not for me to force my beliefs onto you. This point is to steer you away from stressing in finding the “one” or being with someone which is ultimately rewarding because you are not forcefully trying to make every Tom, Dick & Harry fit. You are focusing on yourself and allowing the love connection to happen in its own time.

Point 2
Practice intimate forms of self love: I explain this point in depth on the intimate forms of self love blog and so I will briefly expand on this here. The reason this forms part of this topic, is because a lot of us are seeking the love that we are meant to have within ourselves. We do it in reverse through finding someone, then when we get heart broken, we opt to finding and/or falling in love with ourselves as though it’s some form of punishment.

Really, we are meant to be falling in love with ourselves first, then reaching out to fall in love with someone else. Ru Paul says it best, “if you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gon’ love somebody else?” In the beginning, I didn’t really understand this phrase but I still religiously recited it as it was the catchy thing Ru said at the end of every episode but once I understood it, it became more apparent in my life.

And so my message to you is that, finding that confidence and love within yourself first will balance out and feel like a reward when love with another person comes into your life. Practicing intimate forms of self love can sometimes be difficult because we are used to just putting ourselves last but it’s very useful for our overall well being if we can implement small steps of this practice through reversing words of self criticism with words of love and also allowing ourselves to be a work in progress.

Point 3
Cancel out the “potential one” evaluation when you meet someone: We all seem to be in some form of a rush and as a result, we fail to enjoy the moments/getting to know someone. The constant need to be with someone propels us into thinking if the person we met in the shop is the “one” or if the next person that asks us out on the date is the one. The desperation to fill the ONE position steers us away from actually getting to know someone at the core.

That said, we can counteract this by being patient and allowing situations to develop naturally instead of trying to get someone to like us. P.S. Not every hot guy/girl you meet or you lust after is meant to be your lover, some are meant to just be your friends, acquaintances, work colleagues or to teach you a lesson....and that’s okay.

Point 4
Incorporate activities that make you feel good: Here’s a fun one you can try out:

  • Write down all the things you would like in your partner, for example: Loyal, Funny, Adventurous, Passionate, Generous, Honest etc...
  • Write down your qualities for example: Patient, Loyal, Creative, Passionate, Honest, Open minded etc...
  • Now create a match with something that you are by picking out the common factors in this case: Loyal, Honest & Passionate
  • Out of your common qualities, pick one and honour yourself in that way. For instance, if you choose “passionate”, find a way to experiment with passion whether it’s by having a lush bath, buying new lingerie/outfit, lighting candles around the room or learning sensual dances. Do whatever makes you feel passionate in order to ignite the fire within.

    On a more spiritual note, this a beautiful practice to reconnect with your root, sacral and solar plexus chakras as these activities highlight boosting your self confidence, exploring your sensual and/or sexual side and overall showing love to yourself.

In the end, the most beautiful form of love you can practice or you can look for is that of remaining true to yourself. Don’t burden yourself with the external search, put that energy into you and the right experiences will come to you so that you can grow and/or learn from.

Thank you for reading.

Love & Light
Amida